Dec 18, 2014

Anchor Yourself To Something Special

Everything changed the day she figured out that there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life.

I have been on this one woman mission of reinvention ever since the middle of the year, when I woke up and realized that somehow... my life didn't make sense to me the way I needed it to. I had matching tattoos done on the left side of my ribcage with my sister Katie with the word 'evolve' and it is the single one tattoo I don't think I will ever regret because I consider myself forever changing and evolving into more of me. It is very easy to get brainwashed by the standard set for me by the society but somehow I managed to break free... (Cue in this year's very meaningful Halloween costume) There are exactly 17 days left in this year's calendar. I am thankful. I found myself this year... not realizing how lost I was. Currently, I find myself so free that even if someone put me in cuffs, I'd still feel my freedom. I find comfort in being comforting. I think at one point, I got lost in the trend of keeping up with the trends until one day, I decided that I was the trend and that I should only be keeping up with was myself. The past years, I think I have been laying my foundation on something weak and shaky... like relationships and other people but I think I have somehow transitioned. Another meaningful tattoo that I got was behind my left ear and it is an anchor which is of significance for two reasons: (1) since my initials "JL" put together resemble an anchor so much, it might as well be my own sigil and (2) because despite how many reasons are thrown at me, I refuse to sink. Life's toughest storms the strength of our anchors... and I think mine has proven to be tough enough as it has been put to the test so many times.

Dec 17, 2014

What Boyfriend?

No boyfriend? No problems.

I was walking around some bazaars and saw a number of statement shirts with that caption and laughed. While I am happy for all my friends who are blissfully in relationships, personally, I don't think that would work out for me... For now. As I have said multiple times, I am currently happily single and I don't think I want to change that as of the moment. It's refreshing actually to not even be dating right now because there is just no pressure, no drama, no tiffs... And I love it that way. At some point, I think I got tired of all the effort it required and all the issues involved- the main one would be my independence and refusal to inform my significant other of everything I do. I find that prerequisite taxing, actually. Probably because I am not techie or that I forget that I have to and that I seriously forget that I even have a phone in the first place...but that's always how I've been and it's so hard to change that. Trust me when I say I've tried and failed many times.  

Dec 15, 2014

Made To Love

You haven't seen strength until you witness a woman who continues on after being hurt, smiles after being hurt and still remains hopeful even though at times it hurts. You almost can't tell that she's in pain because the way she wears her smile from day to day is symbolic of the strength that only lives within a Queen. You have not seen real strength until you've seen her.

I don't know what it is but I somehow find it odd that I love being decked out in gowns and long dresses... almost like I was born in the wrong era. To be quite frank, I love wearing fancy formal dresses more than I love wearing normal "everyday" clothes which somehow gives me validation that I was indeed probably born in the wrong time period. Now, as I have high respect for situational dressing, as much as I love gowns... it would be quite inappropriate to wear them while running errands, going to work and on a daily basis. That would just be off. However, there are formal occasions that beg for long dresses, pomp and circumstance... one of said occasions include a wedding... which hopefully by now, you are well oriented enough to know how much I love attending them.

Dec 12, 2014

Nude Awakening

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.”

I used to be such a control freak that every step was carefully planned, every outfit was thought of in advance and I refused to be caught off guard. The thing with being that way is that the sad but unavoidable reality that in life, you are never in control and to assume you are, simply opens you up for major disappointment. I came, I controlled (or tried) and I failed and got a harsh lesson and now I am just going with the flow and taking life as it is. I still crave for control (that's just me and I can't control it---okay for lack of a better term to use...) but now I know when to sit back and relax and let things unfold  before me without having to intervene. I simply trust the vibes I get... because at the end of the day, energy doesn't lie. As for being on top of everything, the rude awakening that one never can be and the sooner you accept that, the better as you strip yourself off the pretense (as comforting as the illusion of having control is) and then you're left to deal with yourself in rawest and purest form possible... that kind of explains my title on nude awakenings...because believe it or not... being stripped off all the false pretenses that somehow reassure you or lull you into a false sense of security is what one needs.

Dec 11, 2014

Lucky Strike

Today I wondered why my eyelashes aren't thick enough and why my feet aren't small enough. Then it hit me. Why do we take these insignificant things like millimeters on lashes and shoe boxes and then try to fit ourselves into those stupid molds? Why do I take the beauty that is me, and measure it up to a shoe size? A length of hair on my eyes? Am I not the more wonderful creation, far more great than those stupid things? Why do we take ourselves and desecrate ourselves daily? Pushing ourselves into cubicles because we think we are supposed to fit into them? Are we ice cubes? And suddenly I just don't understand the inadequacies anymore! Because they're not even inadequacies, at all! I will laugh and be beautiful.

Dec 8, 2014

Swing Out Sister

It's been a week long absence from posting because 1.)  schedule has been off the hook and 2.) there was no internet at home, my mom managed to survive through my ordeal by getting my postpaid tattoo and I consumed too much data and as per the Fair Usage Policy, I was using up too much bandwidth that my internet had to be slower to give a chance to others. For the Internet thing- I have to say that Dominique's cute but menacing cat, Kenzo was to blame as he chewed off the wire which took forever to fix and restore. Now as much as I love blogging, you see, I love living beings more so I spared Kenzo the rage blackout (not that he would understand why I was mad) and decided to just be. I was way too busy with work anyway and in my down time, I was actually able to do other things that I probably would unot have been able to had there been Internet as I would probably be too busy glued to the computer screen and browsing through sites and meandering. I thought I would not have survived all those days but it was actually refreshing as I got to read books, goof up with people (well, that I do with or without Internet so it doesn't really count actually) and of course actually bond and get to talk to people without having to multitask. I have a really difficult time compartmentalizing which is a debilitating side effect of my OCD so now that I had all the time not using the Internet, I got to concentrate on other things. A lot of freak accidents have happened the past days that I had to check if Mercury was in retrograde but apparently, it wasn't and there are just times that bad things happen all at the same time. The difference between letting it get to you or not depends solely on how you react to the things happening to you and rather than sulk, scowl and complain endlessly, I decided to go the road less traveled and used the time to be productive and it was good. I used the time to get to think up ideas and things (the one where I decided to have a cotton candy and popcorn in my booth in BU8 being one of them...but let's save that for another blog post!). It was all about your reaction to things that dictate how it will affect you and I am happy with how I was able to turn a dire situation into something positive. My, my. Is it just me or have I seriously changed so much? I like how I am responding to things in such a zen-like manner so let all the good juju flow. I need that a lot this December!